A Message From Heaven For Those Left Behind
Well, who knew the crazy people would call the right time when not even Jesus knew? Right at 6PM, Mean Greenwich Time (so God could split the difference in time zones), I was taken up into heaven after a loud trumpet blast, which may or may not have been my dog’s flatulence, in hindsight.
It’s nice here. Mother Theresa has a huge place, of course. 37 rooms, 41 bathrooms, and all chock full of people who used to be destitute and dying but are now just a bunch of party animals. You can hear MT’s sound system thumping from several thousand miles away.
Donald Trump is here, too. I know, I was as surprised as anyone. He’s got a nice little studio apartment. No washer or dryer or A/C, but it’s got a great view of Mother Theresa’s place. Sadly, his hair was left behind.
Anywho. If you got left behind, either because of your own stubborness or your very sincere and pious faith, just wanted to let you know you’re always welcome. I hear December 2012’s going to be another big time of “vaccuuming up the needy ones” as Jesus calls it. That guy is hilarious and way more friendly than you might think.
See you soon!